Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
