just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
