Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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