i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
