I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my phone needs a breathalizer
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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