it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
