Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
