I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
