when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
