My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
