just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
