First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
