So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
