Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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