Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
