This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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