ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
