dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
