that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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