i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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