we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
