It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
