are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
why didn't you poke me back
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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