I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
