all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
