Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
