in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
