I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
