come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
