Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my phone needs a breathalizer
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
