i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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