you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we're making bets on your personal life
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
