i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Who died my cat blue again?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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