Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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