My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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