I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
