my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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