...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
