I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
