To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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