i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
