I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
