i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
