When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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