Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
