Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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