How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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