And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
