two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
