Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
