Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
