All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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