Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
