if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
